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2014-05-31 03:45 am (UTC)
I'm so, so proud of you for realizing all this stuff. It's really hard to even admit it to yourself, much less say it out loud like this-- but I do think you have depression, and have every right to it, since your situtation right now is far from ideal.
That being said: I'm also proud of you for talking about it, and for continuously striving to climb out of this terrible situation you're in. Things will get better. And things will get easier. I guarantee your depression will ease when you move out. And maybe sometime in the future, you can see a therapist to help with how to talk to yourself (I do the same thing!
Worthless, screw-up, lazy, horrible
, on and on and on. It's terrible).
I feel you on the self-harm thing. There's lots of tricks for when you feel like hurting yourself, btw, so you can get that urge out without actually doing damage. Holding ice cubes helps-- or drawing on yourself, or stuff like that. Try to find outlets. For me, painting is a good outlet-- it's something consuming.
ANYWAY YES i adore you you are loved very much by a lot of people. And you will get past this. And I'm proud of you for talking about it and admitting it.
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